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What not to name your baby

The stats are out from the Social Security Administration — and we're cringing.

By Nameberry.com May 31, 2013 2:50PM

Mention baby names at a party — and I do, frequently — and someone invariably brings up the name urban legends: the twins named Oranjello and Lemonjello, the baby girl called Female, pronounced fe-MAHL-ee.

We’re not sure those stories were ever true, but if you look at the very bottom of the Social Security baby name records, you can find plenty of other ill-advised names that people actually gave their babies, and really really shouldn’t have.

 

Ali Johnson Photography/Getty ImagesThe choices here were gathered from names given to five babies in 2012.  To protect privacy, the government only records names used for five or more babies each year, so chances are there are even worse choices out there that didn’t make the official statistics.

As well as some truly terrible names that were given to more than five children last year. Seven little girls were named Anally in 2012, for instance, and nine boys named Havoc.

But focusing just on the very bottom of the government list, here’s what not to name your baby, and why:

Girls

Ahmiracle and Dmiracle  There were nearly 800 girls named just plain Miracle, and then you’ve got your Jamiracles and your Lamiracles.  But we draw the line.

Assia  You just can’t give an American baby a name that contains the word “ass.”

Beautyful and Pretty  She better be.

Disney  Product placement?

Erie — Lake, yes.  Ontario or Michigan, maybe.  But Erie is just eerie.

Goodness — Most teenagers would take this as a dare.

Ikea — A Big Box name.

Money and Pryce Uh…no.

Richard  Every year there are a handful of girls named Richard….and George and David, and boys named Charlotte and Sophia.  Clerical mistakes?  Sometimes, probably.  And then other times, they’re just mistakes.

Rosary Saints’ names and other religious names can work, but this takes baby-name-as-devotion too far.

Shady Weather names — Sunny, Snow — can work, but then there’s the other meaning of Shady.

Stonie Will create a rocky path for your child.

Vegas What happens in Vegas…

Younique Unfortunately not.

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Boys

Abass — See Assia.

Carrion Baby name roadkill.

Dolton If Colton is a popular baby name, and Bolton and Knowlton can work as first names, then Dolton….nah.

Emperor Why not Tyranius?

Hamlet Shakespearean names as far out as Romeo can work, but  Hamlet is also saddled with that “Ham” syllable.

Handsome — See Beautyful and Pretty.

Harshit Harshit and Harshita are Sanskrit names with a lovely meaning: full of happiness.  But they don’t translate well into English.

Kartier — Klassy.

Maximum Max or Maxim would have made the point.

Messer Takes the Badass Baby Name idea, ala Ranger and Wilder, too far.

Patch His big brother’s name is AOL

Princeten or Prinston Maybe he’ll get into Yale.

Ralphy Middle name: Boy.

Rambo Scary, yet not as scary as the six boys named (yes, really) Rage.

Vader  Ready for a lifetime of Star Wars jokes?

For thousands of really unusual names you can give your baby, get Nameberry's new e-book, The Nameberry Guide to Off-the-Grid Baby Names.

More from MSN Living:

21 adorable Etsy finds for babies and kids
The top baby names of 2012
15 things moms overshare on Facebook
Amazing nursery inspiration and ideas
Photo: Ali Johnson Photography/Getty Images

Tell us on Facebook: What's the worst of these baby name offenders?

499Comments
Jun 12, 2013 5:13PM
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I recall a college instructor who wanted to be called Stony/Stonie/Stoney. She didn't like her first name, and her maiden surname was Stone.
Jun 12, 2013 2:06AM
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most of them are gonna be ghetto folk,you know its true,and angry replies to me,stop being so pc
Jun 7, 2013 10:42PM
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When I was little I had a friend named Candy Barr. Really.

Jun 7, 2013 4:39PM
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Most fadsy names are ugly or weird. Just an observation.

Jun 7, 2013 3:27PM
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I wanted to name our first boy "sue" so he'd grow up tough but the wife wouldn't allow it.
Jun 7, 2013 2:55PM
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I went to school with a Snow Flake; Windy and Stormy Rainey; and -drum roll please -----Siphyllis.
Jun 7, 2013 11:01AM
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I met a woman named-Fanny Wieder- and it was!

 

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