The Family Room The Family Room Blog Home

Do you believe in the 'kids' table'?

It's about savoring some adult time for this writer.

By Parenting Magazine Nov 12, 2012 5:01PM

by Erin Zammett Ruddy

I’m a firm believer in the kids’ table, and I am planning to have one this Thanksgiving. I know some people are vehemently opposed. Where do you stand?

Photo: Burke/Triolo Productions/Getty Images









Assuming my power stays on, we will be hosting 12 adults and five kids. And I’m going to put those five kids at their own table (Sofia, my sister’s 18-month-old daughter, might get a pass to a high chair at the adults table).

More from Parenting: 9 unique holiday traditions

Granted, the only kids in attendance will be mine and my sister Melissa’s, but still, I love giving the kids and the adults some separate space, and I think it will work out well. I grew up with lots of big family gatherings, and there was almost always a kids’ table. Though I didn’t always love it then (when the older cousins moved up to the big table and I was still stuck with the brats at the little table, I remember protesting wildly), I get it now.

It helps that the kids at this particular kids’ table are all BFFs and beg to sit next to each other anyway. It’s not a tough sell for them to get a special, kids-only table (Andrew, who’s the oldest by four years, will get some recognition, too — maybe he'll give the kids’ table toast or something). And I do make it feel special with cool plates and a fun centerpiece. Alex and I will make place settings for everyone (I did it this way for Easter brunch once with many more kids, and it was a huge hit). Their table will also be close enough that the kids still feel like part of the action but far enough that they are not the center of the action ... which, to me, is the whole point of the kids’ table.

More from Parenting: Easy Thanksgiving crafts for kids

For me, it’s about having adult time and conversation while the kids have their kid time and conversation (which better not include the words “poop” or “butt” or someone will be going to time out). A while back I interviewed cultural historian Pamela Haag. She had just written the book Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting The Rules (it’s fantastic, by the way) and I really related to her point of view on the kids’ table and the fact that so few families have one anymore:

"When I was growing up, children were considered a cog in the machine but we were not the center of the machine. A family had a whole bunch of different functions and the children’s table really is the illustration of that for me. Because the adults had their space and when company came over, the kids had to go off and do their own thing, they were not included in the civilized conversation at the grownup table. The obliteration of that idea really illustrated how much children had moved from being certainly a central part of marriage to being almost the only centerpiece in a marriage."

More from Parenting: Kid-friendly Thanksgiving recipes

I couldn’t agree with this more. You guys know how I feel about making my marriage a priority — and about eating sans children. In fact, when we have big non-holiday family dinners or big friend dinners with kids, we often feed the young ones first, then let them play or pass out in our beds while the adults enjoy.

Perhaps Thanksgiving should be an exception. It’s a holiday, it’s about family and kids and craziness. But considering I will probably be cooking for 48 hours prior, I want everyone at my table to be sitting and eating and enjoying some adult conversation. I realize it’s Thanksgiving, and part of what we’re so thankful for is our children, so they will be a special part of the day/night, too. Of course. It’s not as though their table is in the basement or anything. And when we go around the room and say what we’re most thankful for, they will each get a turn, too.

I think the success of the kids’ table depends on the ages of the kids. Obviously, you don’t want babies all sitting together throwing stuffing at each other. But when kids are in that sweet spot when they find it fun to have their own space and when they can feed themselves (after we cut their turkey, in some cases) and respect the rules, it all works. Bottom line: I definitely believe in the kids’ table. And as far as Thanksgiving, I do want my children to feast with us … just not too close.

Do you have kids’ tables when you entertain? Did you have a kids’ table when you were growing up? Are you hosting Thanksgiving? Will there be a kids’ table where you are? 

Bing: Thanksgiving table ideas

Photo: Burke/Triolo Productions/Getty Images


News, stories, tips and laughs for moms & dads

  • Mom group (Shuttershock)

    The 10 mom friends every mom needs

    Do you have the right mix of moms surrounding you?

  • Indoor activities for kids

    Beat the chill: 5 indoor activities for tots

    It's hard to keep young kids entertained while being confined indoors, but fear not, for we have some fun ideas to keep the entire family from climbing the walls during rainy days.

  • Great school backpacks for kids

    50 of the best backpacks for back to school

    Back in our day, ending up with the same exact backpack as your BFF was a legitimate back-to-school concern. Nowadays? There are so many options, it's dizzying!

  • Roasted broc and mozz sandwich

    9 school lunch ideas that are healthy (mostly)

    It is a parent’s eternal dilemma: What do I make the kids for lunch today? And tomorrow? And next week? We fall into ruts, succumb to the tried-and-true, give in to our children’s demands for junk food. No more! These school lunch ideas—for everything from sandwiches to snacks to hot meals—will freshen up your daily routine, so much so you may be tempted to make them for yourself.

  • homework

    6 things parents need to stop doing this school year

    Whether your kids have recently gone back to school or are preparing to go shortly, it's never too late to start thinking about how we can make this year successful and low-stress, both for our kids and ourselves. With that, here are 6 things parents might want to stop doing this year in order to make it the best one yet...for all of you!

  • Smoothie coloring books

    10 fun food things to do on a school night

    Some families spend their after-dinner time playing card games, watching television, or prepping for the next day. And that is fine and dandy, but be sure to incorporate some new, fun games and activities into your evenings to keep it fresh and exciting during the school year.

  • Courtesy of Retailers

    25 hottest fall accessories under $15

    Head back to school in style with these fashionable, affordable picks

  • Easing first day jitters

    Easy ways to make drop-off great on the first day of preschool

    Helpful tips for easing first day jitters.

  • iStockPhotos

    Money-saving ideas for back-to-school shopping

    Get savvy tips for saving cash on your children's school supplies

  • Andrew McCaul

    5 secrets of super-organized parents

    There's the list of supplies the school sends you; then there's what your kid really needs. Here's how to get off to a smart start and keep things organized all year.

  • school (Courtesy of Seventeen)

    13 first day struggles we all went through

    After a long, fun, and relaxing summer, the thought of going back to school is a harsh one. It's only been three months since you walked the halls of your school, but it might as well have been an eternity because your brain pretty much remembers nothing. From getting lost trying to find your class in Hallway C to trying to figure out which table to eat at for lunch, here are just some of the many first day struggles we've all been through.

  • Pencil cups via gingersnapcrafts.com

    10 back-to-school DIY ideas from Pinterest

    It's time to start rifling through bins of composition notebooks, glue sticks and highlighter pens. Your kids are heading back to school! We've rounded up 10 relatively easy DIY ideas from Pinterest to satisfy any crafty (or wannabe) parent. Send your kids off with one of these cute concepts that are sure to deliver lots of 'likes' on your Facebook page.

buzzing now on msn living
follow us
follow us follow us on facebook follow us on pinterest follow us on twitter
family videos