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LRCinE

Feb 28, 2013 10:37AM

I would be interested to see studies on parental happiness across cultures. Maybe American parents are miserable because the US is one of the most family-hostile countries in the developed world: no paid maternity or paternity leave, no free child care, no free higher education, no job security and therefore no health care security - you're totally on your own and underpaid. Maybe it isn't kids that make people less happy - maybe it's trying to raise them in impossible circumstances.

My husband and I moved over seas to have our child - and we're incredibly happy. But we also still travel, eat out, hike - all the things we used to do - we just have an adorable little person along with us now. We also don't have to work 60 hours a week to afford health care. It makes a big difference.

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k9luvr

Feb 28, 2013 1:11PM

I would say, it depends. Some people want kids, family, the whole thing. Others don't. If you don't want kids and wind up with them, then it makes sense that you will not be happy (or happier). The worst thing people can do is pressure people to have kids if they don't want them. "Oh, you are so selfish for not having children." BULLSH*T! As an unwanted child that was tortured by my mother and virtually abandoned by my father, it is NOT selfish for these folks to not have children. In fact, for the kids sake, I say it is a BLESSING. How many eight year old kids have fantasies that their parents get killed in an auto accident and they are adopted by a family that loves them and really wants them.... Only have children if you really want them!

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jaws36c

Feb 28, 2013 3:00PM

I agree with Jessica (DINK) ALL the way! Everyone tells me that I am selfish to not want to have children, but honestly, I think I'd be more selfish if I DID have kids. I know myself and I know what I want . . . to have a child just because I caved to societies ideal would make both me and the child miserable.

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Tana (Tana in Missouri)

Feb 28, 2013 8:55AM

I think people confuse the question, "are you happier now that you have children" with "would you trade your child for the things you used to be able to have/do". I believe that MOST would never trade their child for the way things used to be - but I also don't believe that MOST are happier now that they have children.

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soapboxlady

Feb 28, 2013 10:51AM

Even though I was a single parent through most of my children's growing up years, I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. I now miss the baseball games, the soccer games and scout activities and other childhood activities. Watching my children find their passion in life and grow up to be healthy happy productive adults has been most satisfying. Now that they are all adults, I can say that they are also my friends and I cannot imagine life without them. Happily awaiting my second grandchild, I am thrilled to be able to participate in the shaping of more young lives. Only people who really like being around children should become parents. It is not for everyone and one must be willing to sacrifice one's own comfort to raise children properly. One of the problems in this world are people who produce children without being able to financially and/or emotionally raise them well.

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7312myrs

Feb 28, 2013 2:42PM

I agree with LRCinE. I am an American mom who works full time and more with kids. It's very hard and stressful. I would be much happier if I could work fewer hours. My unhappiness comes from being so stretched thin. I am always having to cut corners to get everything done in my life. I guess I took on too much. I often think there has to be a better way. Funny that Americans think we are on top, yet so many other countries seem to live better.

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amc.jec

Feb 26, 2013 4:39PM

My daughter wasn't exactly "planned" either, and I, in fact, also faced my true selfish desires, as well. I miss my freedoms, but I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world, including the freedom to take naps in the middle of the day, spend money on myself, or sleep in.

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Megan L (nodica000)

Feb 28, 2013 9:40AM

After 1 and 1/2 years of dating "DAN" (name has been changed) a single father, I have seen myself grow apart from him mostly because of my unwillingness, or lack, to involve myself around his 8 year old son. "DAN" will ask me to play a sort-of motherly role towards his son. I however do not want to be seen as a mother in any way, shape or form. Not to mention, I look very young for my age and I DO NOT appreciate the scoffing looks I receive from strangers who precieve me to be the young mother to an 8 year old. I don't feel the need to fill my life with kids. I understand that Dan is really trying, however, I feel Its time to let him go on his own to find the right girl for him. We're just not ment to be.

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