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Top 10 secret mom confessions

Moms get candid about what they’re really like as parents, what they secretly think about other moms, what they miss most about life before kids, and more.
Parenting // Parenting
Stressed out mom with kid's toys around Next Slide

What’s your dirty little mom secret? We partnered with TODAY Moms on Today.com on an exclusive survey of more than 25,000 women to find out how moms really live their lives, and how they feel about their kids, partners and other moms. Read on to hear the juiciest secrets they revealed.

©Parenting
1 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #1: Mom wants to be left Alone

Previous Slide A woman in a bathtub with a book Next Slide

Me time, when you can do whatever you darn well please, becomes practically non-existent once you’re a parent, and our survey found it’s the pre-baby luxury that moms miss most. Out of everything they miss from before kids—a better body, more disposable income, time with friends—23% of moms most crave alone time. “I can't wait to get away from my kids sometimes. I need alone time (even away from my husband),” wrote one mom. Fourteen percent most pine for their pre-baby body and an equal number put sleep as #1 on their wish list.

Video: Secret life of dads

2 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #2: she’s weird about breastfeeding

Previous Slide Breastfeeding Next Slide

Society sends a lot of mixed messages about nursing, and it turns out moms have internalized the debate. While 18% of moms say they judge others for choosing not to breastfeed, even more—42%—confess they get sketched out over extended breastfeeding. “I breastfed my daughter until after she was 2, but my mom and husband are the only ones that know that,” one respondent wrote.

Bing: Breastfeeding

3 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #3: She Sends Her Kid to School Sick

Previous Slide Mom giving a kid medicine Next Slide

Junior’s complaining of a stomachache, but he hasn’t thrown up, and you’ve got a big day at work. Send him to school or keep him home? If you’re like 49% of our working mom respondents, you let him go to school or daycare and hope for the best. “I gave my child Advil and sent him to day care with a fever,” shared one mom. “I figured he had gotten it from the other kids in the class, and I had already missed 15 days of work with him being sick.”

Video: Totally awesome perks of being a mom

4 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #4: She wants a do-over

Previous Slide Sad mom with husband holding baby Next Slide

Ask any mom if she’s happy with how things turned out, and she’ll probably say yes to your face. But anonymously, 71% of moms told us if they could do it all over again, they’d do it a little differently. Almost 23% would choose another spouse, 21% wished they had more kids, and 19% would pick a more flexible career path. A slim 4% ‘fessed up to questioning the decision to have children altogether. “Although I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world, there are times when I wish I could have a ‘do-over’ and maybe start having them later in life,” said one mom. “I do miss being able to do things spontaneously and only having to worry about myself.”

Bing: How to have a happy family

5 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #5: She’ll take sleep over sex

Previous Slide Woman sleeping Next Slide

Nap or nookie? Once the kids are asleep, almost 53% of moms would take a good night of sleep over mind-blowing sex any day. Being tired is an almost universal complaint among the moms we surveyed. As one mom put it: “Everyone tells you to enjoy the time you have with your kids while they are young, but sometimes I am just so tired and worn out, enjoying them just feels like more work!”

Video: How to stop being a helicopter parent

6 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #6: She’s distracted by technology

Previous Slide Woman texting while daughter is at the park Next Slide

Here’s the good news: only 5% of moms owned up to their child getting hurt because they were busy texting or surfing the web. The bad news: 18% have had close calls, which means that nearly a quarter of the moms surveyed are a little too attached to their tech devices. Back away from the iPhone, Mom!

7 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #7: She medicates…her kids

Previous Slide Kid sleeping on the plane Next Slide

You’ve seen her—the mom trying to reason with the shrieking kid at 30,000 feet. Or maybe you’ve been her. Either way, desperate times call for desperate measures, and fear of having an unruly child motivates almost 18% of moms surveyed to medicate their child before a long car trip or a flight. Almost 8% of moms even said they sometimes do it on a regular night at home, just to get some peace and quiet!

8 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #8: She judges other moms

Previous Slide Two women talking Next Slide

Ever felt judged by another mom? Well, you weren’t just imagining it. A scant 12% of moms claimed to not give a hoot what other moms do, but the other 88% admitted they let the judgments fly. Top among the behaviors most likely to garner dirty looks? Sixty-six percent of moms said a bratty kid. Weight and eating issues also hit a nerve for many moms. Almost 37% judge a mom with an overweight child, and 34% look down on kids eating junk food.

9 of 12 parenting.com

Confession #9: Mom has a favorite child

Previous Slide Mom cuddling two kids Next Slide

You swear up and down to your kids that you love them equally, but for almost 14% of moms surveyed, that’s not true; in their heart of hearts, they have a fave. As one mom said: “I love all my kids equally, but I *enjoy* one of them more. I try to not let it show in my behavior with all my kids, but I fear it may seep out.”

10 of 12 parenting.com
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Lisa Gray (lisagray)
Jan 23, 2013 11:22AM
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I will say I would love the "do-over".  I regret many things, and wish I could make up a lot to my daughter.  She turned out fine.  She will be twenty-two in March, works two jobs, is a good Christian, does not smoke, drink or do drugs...but still...I could have been a better mom!  She didn't get enough of my time.  I'm one of those that always tell parents with little ones how fast they grow up and to enjoy them while they are small!  Turn around and your two year old is a twenty two year old!
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thot
Jan 23, 2013 3:26PM
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If people would stop allowing these to be Secrets and tell the truth maybe it'd be less of a "taboo". Instead when a woman gets pregnant, nothing but the gushing from friends and family about how awesome it is and how whole she'll feel and how this and that and this and that. But if they'd say "it's great overall but there are times you're going to regret it, you're going to want a break from it, that kid will get on your nerves, you'll never have free time anymore, it's very expensive ..." and so on, more women would go into it with their eyes open or choose not to at all. Spare the future babies and themselves the trouble. 

Societal pressure to marry and bear babies is not one that should be done automatically but it often is because that's just 'what you do'.  Childless couples were once the scourge of the Country -selfish, self-absorbed and non-contributors to the world. But more and more are starting to see that Parenting is a calling, not a duty. It's not for everyone.

Especially in these days when Women are supposed to do Everything perfectly. Years ago women had each other and help from friends and family--a village so to speak. Nowadays jobs, spouses, recessions, etc  have taken us away from core home base so many are doing it on their own along with their overworked and neglected husbands. It's no wonder so many people divorce when a kid is under 5 years old. It's damn hard.

And of course you'll have some Momma's boy dude who idolizes his Mother calling you Selfish just for admitting you get tired. And there's the dang Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapp just swimmingly running along with their kids doing everything perfectly, judging every Mom who doesn't feel the same way. 

It's not saying you don't love your kids or don't want them--its simply acknowledging that it's HARD and not this fairytale that many think it's going to be.
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mother of 2
Jan 23, 2013 12:14PM
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If I had had a glimpse of how hard it was....  I would've chosen not to do it...  I can't believe how hard it is...

 

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Tommy1952
Jan 23, 2013 2:58PM
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Yes, I regret not spending enough time with my kids.  We could always have done more, but work and life in general got in the way.  Since there are no "do overs", I've discovered the next best thing:  Grandchildren!!  It seems they don't grow up nearly as fast and you always think and reflect before you speak and act.
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Kimani Frazier
Jan 23, 2013 2:52PM
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I am a 35 year old mother and my daughter is 5. She's the center of my life and I do everything with her just as my mother did me. My mother was there for me in everything regardless of how tired she was. She always made time for me and I believe that the bond made her my BFF. She was a perfect role model for me and I am following in her footsteps doing the same with my little girl. My only regret is not being married when I conceived her. I tell her every day that I love her and as she grows and I'm not around she will know that mommy was there throughout my life. Love you Aaliyah!
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DG73
Jan 23, 2013 4:39PM
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The reason the country is going to hell first and foremost...We are becoming a society of self-centered, whiney ****es!!! Things are tough all over ladies and gentlemen(those who are on here complaining.) Pull up your britches and be adults. yeah everyone wants that late-teens early 20's time back to be free to do what you want, when you want, but those days are gone. If you slap your spine back into your slappy as-ses, you can make life what you want it to be. People complain too much about what they haven't got...Take a look at what you do have. be assertive. If you don't like where things are going, change it! Don't sit there felling all-whoa- is-me and constantly complain. That gets us no-where. Don't get married until you know what you are getting into. Live with the person for 2-3 years before anything more. If that person pisses you off in that time to where they won't change when approached, then move on. Don't sit here complaining! Some of you are control freaks too! You would complain no matter what. You'd b-itch at the way it was done. The people in this country b-itch way too much...Move to another country and see how bad some people really have it. You won't see them busting their as-ses b-itching! You'll see them busting their as-ses trying to make things better. That's the difference.

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wright rob
Jan 23, 2013 4:10PM
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I am a singel farther of there girlsthey r all wonderful  and i would trade or change nothing not even who i was married to i think it is stupid that we let people tell us how to feel or that don't we regret or lives i was the happiest man alive when i was married. hay life is never easy but kids are the reason we are who we are to regret not haveing the time or tosay im not shure im ready to have kids is just wrong kids dont come with instructions so we tend to have to learn as we go but thats where the fun is we learn and grow by doing it there r times i wish the mother of my children was still here and then i think back to how misurable she made our kids and how happy they are now and that i must be doing something right they r all honer students one has a full ride scolorship to the school she wants to go to and they all have made there own choices of what it is they want to become and that is why i am so proud of. they look up to us all parents teachers friends church and just people in general we influince everyone who passes us by. so before u say i regret having kids or wish i had kids with a difrent person remeber on think that child is who they are because of both their parents and just would not be the same with some one else we love who we love we hurt sometime for no reason but after all we are only human and we have to find our own way in live and how to do things so for the love of kids every where quit saying i regret and start being a parent put aside your doubt and anger hatred because your children need you it is sad my ex has chosen to forget her children and wants nothing to do with then but i do the best i can some time i have to ask some of my female frinds to help because there really are limits to what a father can and should do things that only woman can teach but thats life live learn grow and make a difrence in everyones life around you. we are not perfect and may never be but thats just what makes us who we are and seperates us from the crouds.
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Diamond in the sky Gems (hardtoloose20)
Jan 23, 2013 3:05PM
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I regret the man who fathered my kids(BAD CHOICE)my daughters ar beautiful and they are ding fine with all my help. My plan was to land a great job and then a happy home and then kids but it was all the way the opposite.(no job, living w/parents taking **** from family and struggled with my kids but they turned out fine citizens who work hard and care for themselves and just have alot of fun with me. I would give anything to have them all over again but with a different man
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personxx00
Jan 23, 2013 3:10PM
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At 63, I can look back and realize that being a mom was fulfulling in a different way from what I got from my career. For me, it provided a much deeper and enduring satisfaction.  My reocurring regret is that I only had one child, a son, who he died tragically and suddenly at the tender age of 21.   
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La La Looooo
Jan 23, 2013 4:25PM
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There is a huge stigma attached to venting true feelings and I agree 150% with the "do over." I think the percentage is a lot higher than 4%. I'm not saying we don't love our children, I am saying that if we had a "do over" the world would be a lot less populated.
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missyjeep
Jan 23, 2013 8:45AM
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Confession # 7, never hurts to have Nyquil handy for a long flight :0) Myself and the other passengers will thank you for your consideration.

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B Thomas
Jan 23, 2013 4:44PM
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To all those who are posting negative, angry comments,  this is the reason people are not frank and truthful....have some empathy.   Selfishness is not a crime, it's a choice, and you can choose to live a selfish life, just please DON'T have kids. The brave at heart only need apply.  I'm raising a siblings two kids and it's joyful and very difficult and stressful, but I would rather have them with me and struggle and stress out then not know they are safe and very very loved.  Choice wisely everyone, give it careful, careful consideration!  I do miss my single, carefree life, but I adore these kids so much.
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Kimani Frazier
Jan 23, 2013 2:53PM
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Oh, I forgot to add that I don't regret anything! I had her and her father and I took on the responsibility.
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VLove
Jan 23, 2013 3:33PM
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I am so thankful for this article.  I have a 9 year old, and have had some good days as a parent and some bad.  There are times when I regret becoming a parent, and doubt if there was a perfect time to do so.  Regardless, there aren't any perfect parents.  Pray for them , Love them and Cherish the time that you do have with them, yeah...thats how I have made it this far! 
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BrandonKat
Jan 23, 2013 3:32PM
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I wish I had never said anything to my daughter about her boyfriend.  We have not seen or spoken to each in 12 years now.  I still feel he was a bad choice being a self-indulgent POS, but I think she will stick with him thru thick or thin just to prove me wrong.  My own mom felt the same way about my ex - she could see him for what he was - a real user - and I could only see his good points.  Wish I had listened to my own mother, my friends and the neighbor ladies on the block.  Now that I divorced him, to a person everyone says they never liked him.  My daughter's guy is much like my ex and I could see right thru him having made my own mistake.
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PJ286
Jan 23, 2013 2:25PM
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Agree completely.  If we say we have done a great job and couldn't improve, we are not being honest with ourselves.  Anything worth doing well is difficult and having children is the hardest job in the world.  And trust me, it is a job, a fulltime one.

 

I will say I would love the "do-over". I regret many things, and wish I could make up a lot to my daughter. She turned out fine. She will be twenty-two in March, works two jobs, is a good Christian, does not smoke, drink or do drugs...but still...I could have been a better mom! She didn't get enough of my time. I'm one of those that always tell parents with little ones how fast they grow up and to enjoy them while they are small! Turn around and your two year old is a twenty two year old!
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Momma Tish
Jan 23, 2013 3:32PM
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Regrets??  I'm well known for saying to anyone who will listen, "If I could just turn back the hands of time."  But, I'm one of those Baby Boomers.  Caught between my mother's WWII generation and Gloria Steinham.  This means that if you were born female, unless you planned to enter the Convent, you were expected to marry / give birth / please husband / please a boss / keep house / grow old / die.  That's why so many of us BBs are having heart attacks and/or abuse various substances.  Single Women and Married Men are the happy people.
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berecca
Jan 23, 2013 5:17PM
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Work in a daycare.  It's the best form of birth control.
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2trees
Jan 23, 2013 3:49PM
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After reading many of your post, I thought about a book I recently read entitled "From the Hood to Harvard: Leading them Without Losing Yourself." What is so encouraging is that this book has a section entitled Parents Are People Too. This book touched on so many things relative to this blog that I wanted to share a few of my highlights.

 

"Unilke other professional, your assignment does not come with a taped-on-instruction​al brochure accompanied by lug nuts, bolts, and a wrench. This task has no paint by number methodology. The canvas is empty and every stroke is paramount. The uncertainty of outcomes is no phantom pain and causes many to live iin fear of making mistakes. Begin now to factor trial and error into your parenting strategies by simply remembering that your child(ren) did not come with a manual!" 

 

Another favorite of mine was when the author Jill Cloud taught her daughter, who is a pediatrician and was recently offered a full scholarship to Harvard University, about loving imperfect people...

 

"The inconsistent parent in the form of her biological father gave me an opportunity to teach my daughter the skill of loving imperfect people. Why" She would meet plenty more imperfect people in her lifetime and wold need ot know how NOT to allow other people's nightmares to scare away her dreams." ...

 

 

"...This is when we had the talk about loving imperfect people. My goal for this talk was not to give him a way out, but to keep bitterness from taking root in my daughter's life."

 

This book had so many aha moments for me that I could go on and on... but I will not! I ordered the book from her website QueenBe.com

 

Good luck to all of you!

 

 

 

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Traci Matthews
Jan 23, 2013 3:20PM
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Thank you!  I agree..it ain't easy that's for sure!!
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Beckett122663
Jan 23, 2013 5:36PM
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Love my son more than anything in this world. (now 22)  I do not regret one moment with him and  while things were difficult at times. (wished I had been a better mother)  I do however regret whom I choose to marry and create a child with (he's a nut) but of course had I picked someone else then my son would not be who/what he is today.
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Boe Dillard (Quick Boarder)
Jan 23, 2013 5:39PM
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I think about 85% of men would like to upgrade to a less nagging shrew but are too worried about alimony.   As soon as the judicial system stops favoring women as if they don't have the ability to work, you'll find a lot more people getting divorced.

 

Right now the rules are silly - A women gets to quit her job and stay at home if she marries a wealthier guy.   If she divorces him - even if she is gets his money so she can continue to live the life she's accustomed to.

 

A guy should get a hooker in the divorce because in the beginning women put out a lot more - this is something he should say he is accustomed to it so she has to pay for his hooker.

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Someone (Lolita Standifer)
Jan 23, 2013 5:50PM
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I don't regret becoming a mother because I spent all of my teens, 20's and 30's being completely self-absorbed and selfish about anything that I wanted for myself and career.  However, what I would do over in my short lived life is better financial planning and having more consistency with what I saw for myself in my long-term future.  I believe had I done that, done those things like taking financial planning/business classes to prepare me for the future, my life with my son would be much better now.  I'd be able to provide him with a home of our own, a better car, and I'd be in a better situation to save for his educational future.  Then, I wouldn't fee so bad about being a mature single-mother because I'd be able to afford those better programs that would provide him with a good, strong male substance.  The one thing I do regret, not having a committed, steady relationship with serious, good man before now.  My son is 3-years-old and very aware of himself and me as a unit.  I had no clue it'll be so hard to date with a young child, I miss that part of my life.
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PowerCorruptsAll
Jan 23, 2013 4:32PM
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8 out of 10????  Wow. 
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SoIl.
Jan 23, 2013 3:37PM
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I do not have children, and I have been contemplating whether of not I want to.  I am 25, and I still have zero interest in being a parent still.  There are many aspects that I juggle in my head, and I think that many women should do the same... Questions like, "Will I be able to put in the time necessary to be the kind of mom I want to be", or "Would I just have kids so I wouldn't feel lonely when I get older"?  Having children is a HUGE life decision, and I am not sure I am 100% up to it...  And with the state of the world today, it just scares me how as a parent, you still do not have 100% control of raising your child. 

However, I digress... because #10 irritates me to no end.
I work in the professional field, and the amount of work I put in is MUCH more than the women who have children.  I am tired of picking up other people's slack because their children seem to be sick 50% of the time, or they have football camp.  One women even brought her sick child with a 103 fever to WORK!  Just because you are a mom doesn't mean that you have excuses to slack off at work!!!

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Derrick Mwansa
Jan 23, 2013 10:39AM
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Are you sure about the "Top 10 secret mom confessions"
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K-e-v-i-n
Jan 23, 2013 5:49PM
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I see I landed on the Whining Hen channel.  ME, ME, ME!

Glad I stopped dating when I saw what I was in for.  And it's pretty sick to dope up your kids just to shut them up.  How about a little old fashioned discipline instead?

And those that regret having kids (or at the wrong time), well, no sympathy.  If you can't think any farther into the future than your immediate sexual pleasure, I hope the State takes your kids away.  You don't deserve them.

Yeah, I'm pissed now.

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MissieH
Jan 23, 2013 3:22PM
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I would never give my child nyquil or benadrl to make them be quiet. I guess you havent seen the movie freedomland. I love my son more then life, I would die at anytime for him. It is hard being a mom sometimes but I never felt so complete and accomplished. I feel closer to my mother since I had my son. I think women who have children that truly regret it are just self absorbed. They don't have the attention anymore and that makes them upset. I think the only thing I regret is not taking care of my body better while I was pregnant, stretch marks are horrible. I don't know if I would of had the chance to have a child if it weren't for me getting pregnant on accident, but I wouldn't want to die without leaving someone behind. I think it's the most important thing in the world. People now only worry about work or money. Which shouldn't be the case. I'm going to bring my son to the park, you guys have fun feeling sorry for yourselves.

 

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simon fan
Jan 23, 2013 3:32PM
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what about us men? id of chosen a different wife , id of found one who didnt want kids and liked sex  and was  kinky, but nope  my last 2 wives after 6 months of marriage ? the sex ended, so im getting older (almost 60) andi still like sex as much as i used too if  not more   i wont get married again, too many heartaches and fustrations, andi still dont have any kids lol nor did iwant them , lonely nope, happy yes lol and women hate to see men happy
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Brent Nelson
Jan 23, 2013 5:29PM
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If women weren't so lazy about sex with their spouse maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high... just a thought.
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