How to dodge the baby question
They ask: "When are you going to give us grandkids?"
You reply: "When we're ready, we'll let you know."
Why it works: It'll fend them off and buy you some time without totally breaking their hearts. Admitting that you're not ready shows your parents that you're being responsible adults by thinking about the issues (such as "Can we afford it?") first.
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They ask: "When do you plan to start trying?"
You reply: "Um, hello! We're newlyweds. It's all about us right now!"
Why it works: Who can argue with becoming a tighter twosome? Hey, if you don't know your specific needs as a couple well enough before deciding to have children, then you may not make it through the new stressors of parenthood. So take that!
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They ask: "Will Junior have cousins to play with someday?"
You reply: "We'd rather be the favorite aunt and uncle."
Why it works: It's a polite way of telling siblings to shut up already -- you're not interested in jumping on the baby bandwagon until you're good and ready. Hello, having kids just because everyone else is, is irresponsible and unfair to your child and your relationship.
Other pairs with kids
They ask: "C'mon, what are you waiting for?"
You reply: "You know, we're loving life just as it is!"
Why it works: Boldly saying how happy you are with the status quo is code for: We're not waiting for anything, so back off! If you two want to hit Jamaica without worrying about a babysitter, that's your choice. Everyone else will have to deal (and they're probably jealous!).
They ask: "So, do you guys have any kids?"
You reply: "No, we don't. How about you?"
Why it works: Turning the question back on them is the easiest way to get out of the hot seat. Having kids is a private decision, and you don't owe the world an explanation of whether you're ready. Trust us, your colleague will get the memo.
Still need more comeback inspiration? Check out these real-life responses that worked.
"When I can afford the fertility treatments."
-- Jeanne, Washington, DC
"I'm having another baby soon and his/her name will be ‘My New Kitchen.'"
-- Karyn, Westwood, New Jersey
"Whenever you're willing to carry it for me."
-- Julie, Chicago
“We already have two -- another one and we would be outnumbered!”
-- Krystal, Des Moines, Iowa
"And risk ruining this fabulous body again?! Not a chance."
-- Shiri, Long Island City, New York
"We need more money and a bigger home. Want to chip in?"
-- Robin, Great Neck, New York
"The shop is closed." Followed by a smile.
-- Lauren, Santa Monica, California
“As soon as you offer to pay for the baby’s college education.”
-- John, New Canaan, Connecticut
“Right after YOU have another baby! You know, so we can be pregnant together -- it's so much fun!”
-- Angie, Lexington, Ohio