4 ugly truths about being a stay-at-home momThe 4 crucial conversations you need to have with your spouse before you make this decision.
By Kate Anthony for YourTango.com
When I decided to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), my mother, ever pragmatic and financially prudent, sat me down, very concerned, and said, "Can you put some money away? Just for you? If something goes wrong, what will you have?" I blew her off. Nothing was going to go wrong, and since our money was our money, squirreling some away was basically stealing it. Besides, my marriage was totally solid and this is what I'd always wanted. Always.
Three years later I was getting divorced, and as my wise mother had predicted, I had nothing of my own. Let me be clear—I gained a lot by being a SAHM. My son gained a lot and that is most important. In the end, we do it for our children and I deeply respect the choice. Were I given the choice again, I may not do it differently.
More from YourTango:3 Truths: Why Men Should Pay For Dinner
Use this as a guide and talk it through with your spouse. Perhaps some 20/20 hindsight from someone who has been there can shed some light on a partnership usually entered into in utter darkness.
Here are four ugly truths about being a SAHM:
1. The Relationship With Your Husband Will Likely Suffer
When you got married, you were likely a woman with a career and goals and...a life. You and your husband talked about politics, philosophy, work, whatever it was that made you guys click — that thing that had you both say, "I can talk to him/her forever, about anything!"
When you become a SAHM you give that all up to become a mom. When your husband comes home from work, you are likely desperate for grown-up interaction and conversation yet what you're contributing is likely to revolve around poop, feeding and nap schedules and cute things your child did that day, all of which are important to share with your spouse.
But eventually he may wonder what happened to his bright, vibrant, intelligent wife who used to turn him on by spewing statistics about the annual revenues of the company she was VP of, or, well, just about anything other than babies. You may wonder the exact same thing about yourself. Your husband may start to look at you like you're an alien and really crave some conversation that's not baby-centric and so will you, but you'll be at a loss as to how to produce it.
Worse, your husband may begin to find that intellectual connection and stimulation somewhere else. While you're home raising this amazing being you created together and will bond you and your husband for life, you've begun to lose all the things you had in common to begin with. So what can you do to offset this?
Do anything. Keep up with the things you and your husband used to love to do and talk about together. Sit down together and make lists of the things that inspire you about each other and make a conscious, designed effort to keep yourself up to speed on the things that intellectually and emotionally inspire each other.
It has been said many times that marriages that work are ones that have an interest in something bigger than the marriage. For example, couples who share a deep faith, or who do spiritual work together, or volunteer for an organization together, are more likely to have successful marriages because the success of their marriage isn't solely dependent on the other person fulfilling their emotional needs. So talk with your spouse about what that could be for you and make a commitment to that thing together.
parenting, education, activities and more
Sunshine! Camping! Pool parties! BBQs! The sunny season is here and to help you make the most of it, we've hand-picked 7 great products to make this summer the best your family has ever had. Click through for our list to inspire your sunny day fun. From our sponsor: Walmart
We all love a picnic. But do one quick search for 'picnic ideas' on Pinterest and you're instantly teleported into a land of overachieving home chefs clearly looking for their big break on Food Network. Well, never mind that, we say. Scratch the 25-ingredient recipes and the incessant trips to the craft store for that perfect tablescape. Here are 5 truly simple picnic ideas that will look great, taste great, and make you feel like the winner you are! From our sponsor: Walmart
Admit it — you do these things, too! And that's OK. But maybe — just maybe — it's time to think about changing things up a little bit, for the sake of your sanity, your relationship with your kids, and because life's too short.
Celeb moms post photos to show off their weight loss, but then they undermine their progress in the captions.
Kriste Lewis was inspired by her kidney disease to try out
Hittin' the road, moms and dads? Plan for these five things to happen...
Who knew parenting would make you feel so dumb?
Bob King, 68, found himself stuck
Witnesses now say they were helping mom, who was on the scene
Screaming won't make things better.
Adventures, friends, and boys—all the makings of a great movie. We may be a bit too old for summer camp, but these 10 movies bring us back to those times when all that mattered was winning Capture the Flag. We can practically taste the s’mores.
With summer comes vacations, trips, and relaxed time in the backyard, all of which I'd like to capture on film - hopefully with my kids' eyes open. Here are 10 pro tips to help capture your favorite moments.