30 reasons all moms deserve a paycheck

The Concealer

Consistently faced with (unintended) days-long shower strikes and spit-up covered clothing, moms everywhere have mastered the art of looking presentable in the most challenging situations. The concealer deserves a paycheck for her ability to hide the damage and look good in under 15 minutes.

-- By Katherine West Slevin

Middle-of-the-night feedings, plus hours of walking, swaying, rocking and the sleep deprivation that ensues, constitute the ultimate night shift. In a just world, moms everywhere would be clocking some serious overtime for this one.  

The time, energy, and physical and emotional fortitude required for weeks, months or sometimes years of breastfeeding and pumping are nothing short of salary-worthy. Continuing to breastfeed through your sweet angel’s biting phase? Well, that ought to earn you a bonus. 

Whether it’s the heat waves of Austin or the unbearably cold winters of Boise, moms spend a colossal amount of brainpower coming up with new ways to entertain their kids. “I spend an unusual amount of time trying to entertain rather than resorting to the TV and still keep my sanity,” confesses Amanda Neil, mother of 2-year-old Henry. “For about nine months of the year we can be outside most of the day. But these three dark dismal months are more than I can bear sometimes. My creativity is in overdrive. We've gone through three cans of shaving cream (much to my husband’s dismay), and we spend way too much time in the bathtub.”

Whether it’s cleaning poop out of the bathtub, projectile vomit off the walls, or rapid-fire sweet potato rejections off their favorite shirt, by the end of their baby’s second year most moms have earned the equivalent of a Ph.D. in sanitation management. Poop smeared on a white, mohair rug you say? All in a day’s work.

Apart from collecting, storing and maintaining a multitude of books for their little ones, moms spend hours creating their own story times for their children. I, for one, spent more than an hour yesterday reading the same three books to my 1-year-old daughter. Apparently, none of the other 3,000 books we have would do.

With torquing her body into unspeakable positions to retrieve dropped toys and pacifiers and her uncanny ability to do almost anything one-handed, mom could pull in some serious dough as a contortionist.

It’s tough being a kid. It’s tougher being a mom, tasked with helping your children navigate their own emotional minefields while they simultaneously trip some explosions in yours. Marcy Mistrett, mother of two, confesses the current mantra of her 3-year-old: “You don't love me anymore. You never call me honey.”

“She says this,” Marcy admits, “approximately 13.5 trillion times a week.”

Whether it’s reading the same book for the 100th time, singing countless rounds of “The Wheels on the Bus” (while coping with disastrous levels of sleep deprivation) or staging an impromptu puppet show, moms are the ultimate entertainers. Word of advice: While your little one can quickly lead you to believe you’re the funniest person on Earth, you may want to consider vetting your act with an adult audience before quitting your day job.

As defined by the U.S. Department of Labor, a referee detects infractions and decides penalties according to the rules of the game. When it comes to disciplining her children, mom is the ultimate referee.