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10 non-mom faux pas

Moms, does it annoy you when your child-free friends do this?
The Bump // The Bump

They act judge-y

breastfeeding mom Next Slide

"Just saw a woman breastfeeding on the train, so gross!" she posts as her Facebook status. "Can’t she wait until she gets home?" You fume when you read this, of course, because you're pretty sure that friend would rather see a sliver of breast skin than listen to a wailing baby for the duration of her train ride. Feel free to remind her of this in the comments section; you're sure to get plenty of backup.

-- Jenna McCarthy

Video: Health officials release new breastfeeding guidelines

©The Bump
1 of 13 Shutterstock / The Bump

They flaunt their splurges

Previous Slide shoe shopping for floral heels Next Slide

Sure, you'd sell your cell phone in a heartbeat to buy your baby another cute onesie. Still, it stings when you have to hear about all of the sweet new swag your baby-free friends can buy (because they're not forking over money for organic baby food and over-the-top preschool fees). Remind yourself that the riches you receive from that little bundle trump new shoes any day of the week.

2 of 13 Thinkstock / The Bump

They compare their basset hound to your baby

Previous Slide baby and fluffy dog Next Slide

A funny thing happens when you become a mom, even if you were the biggest animal lover on the planet: You realize that your cat/dog/hamster/tarantula really is just a pet. But your non-mom pals haven't gotten the memo yet. Try not to get offended when they liken the affection they feel for Fido to the soul-bursting love you have for baby. To them, it really is the same -- at least for now.

Bing: Friends after kids

3 of 13 Thinkstock / The Bump

They ask lame questions

Previous Slide crying baby Next Slide

"Why is she still crying?" Oh, I don't know. Because she's a baby who can't communicate with words, perhaps? This one's a killer for sure, but again, know that your friend isn't trying to bug -- she just genuinely isn't fluent in the ear-splitting language of a newborn yet. Your best response: "I wish I knew too!"

4 of 13 Shutterstock / The Bump

They whine about how busy/stressed/overextended they are

Previous Slide computer work Next Slide

Your friend works, works out and tries her best to maintain a social life. But so do you...all with a baby to care for (another full-time job)! Reminding her of this, however, won’t do a thing to nurture your friendship. As overworked as you may be, seek out sympathy from other moms who can relate.

Bing: Busy moms

5 of 13 Shutterstock / The Bump

They accuse you of being a bad friend

Previous Slide woman on phone Next Slide

You never go out anymore. It only takes two minutes to make a phone call. All you talk about is the baby. All true, perhaps, but still not very fun to hear. While you may think she's being insensitive when she makes these comments, the reality is, your friend misses you and the time you used to spend together. Explaining your new life to her may fall on deaf ears. On the other hand, trying to carve out the occasional small sliver of time for her will ease her angst considerably.

6 of 13 Thinkstock / The Bump

They extend last-minute invitations

Previous Slide women friends Next Slide

People who don’t have to schedule showers days in advance or recruit babysitters or pump gallons of breast milk just to go to a simple movie can’t possibly understand how infuriating it is to get a text inviting you to go out...in a half hour. Try explaining to your pal that the more lead time you get, the more likely you’ll be to show up. And remember that a last-minute invite -- even one you can’t accept -- is better than no invite at all.

Video: Getting sick during pregnancy

7 of 13 Thinkstock / The Bump

They begrudge you your precious little free time

Previous Slide relaxing Next Slide

She's irate that you snuck out and got a massage when she's been hounding you to meet her for lunch for weeks. "You said you never have time for yourself!" she accuses, and you seethe. Bottom line: Until she’s in your shoes, she will never, ever know how much you needed that hour of blissful, pampering silence.

8 of 13 Thinkstock / The Bump

They offer parenting advice

Previous Slide 2 women and baby Next Slide

Your pal probably means well, but when someone who's never been there or done that offers some "helpful suggestions" on how you might manage your offspring (you’d just let her cry it out, huh? easier said than done, sister), you’re likely to want to lose it. Keep this response handy in those situations: "That's a good point I hadn’t thought of, thanks!" And then quickly change the subject.

Bing: Moms with questions

9 of 13 Veer / The Bump

They can’t sympathize

Previous Slide washing machine and toddler Next Slide

You're exhausted and broke, and you haven't had your hair highlighted in 11 months. "But you wanted a baby," she says simply. Of course you did! And while you realize that bad hair and crippling fatigue are part of the new-parent territory, a little sympathy would be nice. Unfortunately, you’re probably going to have to get that from your mommy friends.

10 of 13 Veer / The Bump
Previous Slide The Bump // The Bump Next Slide
12 of 13 Get the answers to all your pregnancy questions at TheBump.com
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Hedda1113
Nov 30, 2012 7:37PM
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Here's my counter list:

Mom faux pas

1. They act self-righteous. “Hey, I’m a mother! I can do what I want.”
2. They bitch about how much a kid’s diapers cost. Hey, you chose to have a kid. You spend your money your way, I’ll spend mine my way.
3. They compare their baby to my basset hound.
4. They volunteer information I don’t care about. What makes their baby cry? Don’t care.
5. They whine about how busy/stressed/overex​tended they are.
6. They accuse you of not being more understanding. Although millions of people can juggle a child with friends, your friend cannot.
7. They extend last-minute invitations due to the “chaos” and “craziness” of their life as a mother.
8. They tell you that their free time is more precious than yours. I mean, you get a lot of free time where she does not!
9. They talk to you as if you're an imbecile when it comes to babies because you don’t have one and therefore must have no common sense whatsoever.
10. They want sympathy. All day. Every day.

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zac carney
Nov 30, 2012 10:21AM
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This is the dumbest **** I have read in a wile. 
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Sonya B.
Nov 30, 2012 7:31PM
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Im only on the 2nd one and Im already annoyed. First of all, many moms flaunt their purchases too - those $500 strollers and $300 diaper bags aren't buying themselves. Second of all, if you want to buy something for yourself instead of your child THAT IS OK. Your baby does not care how many cute onesies he has. Saying that the "riches you receive from that little bundle trump new shoes any day of the week" sounds smug and jealous.
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Sonya B.
Nov 30, 2012 7:35PM
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Back already- moms do not have a monopoly on feeling tired, stressed, or overworked. You don' t know how tired someone is unless you are that person. It is so rude to assume that you are the most tired and act sanctimonious when someone without kids dares to say that they are also exhausted. Shut up.
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Dot893
Nov 30, 2012 7:36PM
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"Sure, I'd sell my cell phone in a heartbeat to buy my baby another cute onesie." - Said No Mother Ever.
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Amanda G
Nov 30, 2012 7:24PM
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The last clump were all about getting sympathy for not having enough time and non-mom friends having zero concept of that. This whole list, and every summary was just asinine.
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Amanda107
Nov 30, 2012 7:25PM
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I shouldn't be surprised, coming from the ridiculous Bump, but this is some asinine **** right here. 

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Dot893
Nov 30, 2012 7:34PM
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Did someone actually get paid to write this trite garbage?
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Angie426
Nov 30, 2012 7:35PM
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As a child-free (a label I appreciate much more than "non-mom") woman in her 30s who is happily married, with a job I love and worked hard to get, and - guess what -  can't WAIT to someday have kids, this is by far one of the most obnoxious and condescending things I have ever seen in my life.  It's almost offensive.  Mark my words, when I have kids, I will value my "non-mom" friends' monetary habits, time usage, and well-intended advice a lot more than your writer seems to have implied.  The snarkiness this "list" spews out only intensifies the long-existing stereotype that women are nothing more than eye-rolling and non-supportive individuals that make the occasional "faux pas" around their friends and are too dumb to realize they've done so.  

Oh yeah, and my dog and cat will ALWAYS be my first babies.  
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nlh66
Nov 30, 2012 7:49PM
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My friend has a baby. She doesn't feel nearly as sorry for herself as you do for yourself. She's the same exact person she was before she had her kid. Thank God for that, because I don't think I could handle listening to whining like this.
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Gina C.
Nov 30, 2012 8:34PM
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This is the dumbest bunch of smug **** I have read all month. This makes all women without children seem like insensitive, know-nothing, walking, talking twats.
I could write all day about why the tone of this is presumptuous and ****y. Both mothers and non-mothers alike with six usable brain cells know that being a mother and being a GOOD mother are two different things, and just because someone doesn't have children yet, can't have children, or chooses not to have children does not mean that they know nothing about caring for or raising them. I don't have kids, but there are plenty of hood rats with kids out there who I could parent under the ****ing table.
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Redcordelia
Nov 30, 2012 7:52PM
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If only I could be a mother, and join the rarefied ranks of the enlightened ones!  Never mind, I enjoy being able to go get my hair done, go to movies, and buy cute dresses with my free time and extra money. 
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Yves686
Nov 30, 2012 7:40PM
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This is infuriating! I don't have children yet  because I chose to attend school first (almost done) but I don't know ANYONE who would do these things except a stupid person (and thus a stupid friend), whether they have kids or not. This whole "article" is just bogus fluff someone invented. Stop creating discord where NONE exists.

And about the flaunting the purchases thing...yea right! I have 1000K to my name, no job, and just told my family I will not be attending Xmas because I cannot afford anything. I log onto facebook and see 2 mommies i know who don't work (because their baby daddy's do) talking about deals they got on all kinds of fancy junk 
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tamithomas
Dec 1, 2012 7:24AM
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"You realize that your cat/dog/hamster/tara​ntula really is just a pet." Whoever wrote this does not deserve to be animal guardian. they are not just "pets" they are family members. May the problem is not with the non moms, it's you making the baby all mightier then thou. That attitude is why so many pets end up in shelters after newborns come home.
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rudegubmintworker
Dec 1, 2012 12:34AM
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Lists like this remind me why I'm glad my friend base changed in my twenties and now reaching into almost 40s to be primarily childfree people.  Heaven forbid a mom think I was being "judgey" (I really hate that word!) because I disagreed with something or didn't like it, that I talked about something I bought, that I called my cat my child, or that I said something about being tired.
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chebella
Nov 30, 2012 11:59PM
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I hope people have the good sense to realize that most mothers do not hold these kinds of judgments against their friends who don't have children.  This "article" serves absolutely no positive purpose.
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Dragon
Dec 3, 2012 6:39AM
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Sounds like a bitter mom that bought into the whole "motherhood is the most amazing and perfect thing in the world" myth and now jealous of her loss of freedom. Why expect so much sympathy from your childfree friends? They thought long and hard and decided to NOT have children. This was YOUR choice, not theirs. 
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MapDark teh snow kitty
Dec 4, 2012 6:25PM
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1-I'm sorry , but first it's called "JUDGEMENTAL" , learn english and second there's nothing JUDGEMENTAL about being a bit turned off by someone getting her boobs sucked on in public! Use the bottle sometimes for god's sake!

2- So I guess we should now stop dressing ourselves because some poor poor mommies can't bear to hear we bought ourselves stuff. If I don't do it for the poor , I won't do it for mommies.

3-Well sorry , I'm not going to pretend I love my pets less because it makes you feel inferior.

4-No .. they're not stupid questions , they're often euphemisms for : "OH MY GAWD! Why won't this ****ing baby shut up already?!?!" But since we're polite...

5- Ah! of course , the good ol' "You don't know what being tired is until you have kids" ****! I can guarantee you that when you're rushing to release a project and running around trying to fix issues and do overtime and stress over last minute issues , it IS stressful. All you gotta do is clean after a pooping thing and feed it sometimes. I'm sorry but F*** you.

6- What did you expect?! That your friends would stay friends with you even though you're not paying attention to them? HELLO! Earth calls the moon! That's not how it works!

7- Yeah , because I'm going to start planning MY outings around other people's BABIES! Think again.

8-Well parent or not , there is NO EXCUSE for standing someone up. It is perfectly reasonable to be angry at someone who FINALLY ends up getting free time away from the kids and instead of hanging out with you like they PROMISED , go to get a massage!

9- Being a parent does not give you innate science! You don't suddenly know everything about everything! Believe it or not , experience doesn't mean wisdom and youth and lack of experience doesn't mean you can't have clever ideas!

10-Why should I give you sympathy?! That's like telling someone they will get burned if they put their hand in fire and they do it anyway and then cry and demand sympathy for a choice THEY made!
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Kathrin424
Dec 3, 2012 3:11PM
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I don't know what it is with people thinking that just because someone doesn't have children, it means they can't POSSIBLY know what tired, broke, or overwhelmed feel like. This is the most arrogant, smug, self righteous list I've ever read in my life. They whine about being tired?? They flaunt their splurges?? Sorry, but screw you.

 

NO. I don't have kids. But I bust my rear daily. We both do. I run our household, I support my husband in his military career, I do everything he can't do because of his job,  I work my hands raw to earn extra income to fill in the gaps in our budget. we don't have fancy cell phones, and my hair isn't highlighted! Somewhere in my day I find places to do volunteer work, and all the while I do all this with chronic debilitating back pain, and a painful disruptive medical condition that makes me feel like someone is taking a knife to my insides DAILY for years. It also makes me so tired that I physically can not drag myself out of bed, I have to fight for the energy to get dressed. I pop more pills in one day just to function than most people take in a week. 

 

But I don't know tired because I don't have children.

 

Again; Screw. You.

 

Dear mommies; There IS a world beyond your baby bubble.

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LDM620
Dec 4, 2012 12:37AM
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I agree with everyone.  this article was insensitive, ignorant, and  infuriating. The more I read, the more angry I became.  This writer just seems very unhappy with life.  I consider my cats to be my kids since I don't want children, and I don't want to be friends with anyone who can't understand that. And by the way, I have degrees in both education and psychology,  taught for several years, babysat for years, and have many nieces and nephews. So to imply that I know nothing about children is insane!!
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C.K. Chester Gordon
Dec 1, 2012 10:21PM
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"Non-mom"? Is that like "Double-plus-ungood woman"?
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Broob
Dec 6, 2012 12:59PM
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Well, somebody sure sounds like they have birther's remorse. 
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None-yabiz
Dec 10, 2012 10:59PM
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This is a very poor article.  How about for all the people who do not have children that get constantly judged by the ones with children.  Hey people we like kids too, just because we may not have our own does not mean that we do not care for their well beings or can be concerned.  And I am sorry, but for some people their pets are their children, perhaps that is all they can have for reasons beyond their control, who are you to say that their pets do not mean as much to them as a mother and child, that is like saying that someone that adopts a child could not care for them as much as a biological child, that is pure ignorance.  You are also forgetting the parents that decide that they can splurge because they are on some type of government assistance, i am sorry I work hard for my money and if I want to spend it on something and I am able to without hurting myself or my family, then why not.  Also to say that non-parents do not have the right to be over worked or stressed out, that is so off base, I work damn hard and who are you or anyone else to tell me that I do not have a right to be tired or stressed?  Just because I do not have kids does not mean that I don't have a house to take care of, a husband to feed, bills to pay, parents to help assist, etc.... If you are going to write something like this, why not provide both sides rather than a flat out attack on people who do not have kids; we get that enough as is. 
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Lukesummerdaisy
Jan 6, 2013 7:37AM
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tnese articles are probably the most annoying and condescending articles I have read. Somehow new moms who are able toi stay at home with their children think they are superior and deserve more support than well just about anyone else, including their non mom friends and the moms who actually have to work outside of the home and still have to do all od the daily tasks within the confines of a weekend that the SAHMS have 7 days to do.  Really, get a grip and start talking about how lucky you are to be able to stay home with your children and stop griping about "me" time.  Go back to the work world and than you can complaint about a lack of "me" time.
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With friends like these...
Dec 12, 2012 3:09PM
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My only question is:  WHO HAS FRIENDS LIKE THIS!?
When I had my baby, I had friends who were already parents, single gals/guys, those who chose to not be parents, those who were trying...everything.​  And NOT ONE would have EVER said any of these things to me (nor I to them!)

Horribly selfish on ALL sides.

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