My husband seems more interested in the baby than in me. How do you deal with that?
The impact that having a baby has on your marriage is huge and I was completely unprepared. Together we neglected our relationship while we were trying to figure out the parenting thing. Please talk with one another and spend as much time together as possible especially when you don't feel like it. Have your spouse sit next to you while you're nursing in the bed. Have him sit in the bathroom with you, or better yet, you guys can take turns bathing and feeding the baby (once the table food kicks in). Don't minimize the importance of intimacy/connection on all levels, not just sexual. Back and foot massages, along with a fun, competitive game like Scrabble (when the baby is sleeping) or Uno (when the baby is distracted) would work wonders. Lastly, if it is real bad and you're really hurt, share your feelings and don't be afraid to look as cute as the baby sometimes even if you feel like death warmed over.

How do I not lose myself once I become a mom?
Oh, I only have a 750-word limit and I could write books on this topic, so I'll share with you what I wished someone would have shared with me. Spend some time connecting with yourself outside of your many roles, and work on feeding your other parts. You were a person before you were a wife and a mom. Oh, you've heard it all before. What do I do? I blog. I spend quiet time with myself. I love the theatre, so I go with my mom or my sisters. I read a lot and read for various reasons, mainly to strengthen my knowledge base, my confidence and my spirit. I've been lost before and I wish someone had pulled me back in a way that was gentler than the jolting revelation I had when my oldest daughter had a question about her schoolwork.

'Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?'
"Well, he's on campus now and I'm not sure when he'll be back. What do you need? Can I help?"

"I have a question about my schoolwork and I figured he'd know because he's in school and he teaches."

That was many years ago and it still stings. I'm the trained teacher. I'm the consummate educator, but not to her because she didn't see that. My motto for this year is "Do You," and if that doing consists of rock climbing, teaching, painting, do it. You're important, and like we all know, "Happy Mommy. Happy Home."

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