Famously bad parenting
Drew Barrymore/John Barrymore
The endearing adult star of such hits as The Wedding Singer, Ever After, and Charlie's Angels wasn't exactly an angel growing up, despite her aw-shucks cuddles with E.T.in Steven Spielberg's hugely successful 1982 film. Drew's parents, actors John Barrymore and Ildiko Jaid Barrymore, divorced shortly after she was born. The child actor's troubled grammar-through-high school years were well documented in the media—in rehab at age 13 for drug (cocaine) and alcohol abuse, later posing nude in magazines—and one has to wonder: Who, or what, was shepherding young Drew through all of this?
"I never really had a childhood," she once was quoted as saying. "I was around adults all the time. My favorite book when I was eight was Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex - But Were Afraid to Ask. I was not afraid to ask."
Remember the cute kid with the funny smirk who all by himself outsmarted the bad guys trying to break into his house in Home Alone and Home Alone II? If only he'd had that much luck in his own home. After a series of box-office busts, Culkin all but disappeared from public life. He started hanging out with Michael Jackson (parental red flag!) and later refuted accusations that Jackson had molested him.
When he was 15 his divorced parents engaged in a nasty custody battle, supposedly squabbling over their rich son's money. Culkin married his girlfriend at age 18 (they divorced two years later), and at age 24 his blurry-eyed mug shot appeared on news wires everywhere after being arrested for possession of marijuana and unprescribed medication. It's all enough to make a kid clasp his hands to the sides of his head and scream, "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
Ah yes, another fresh-faced child actress turned drug addict. What caused cute young Lindsay's life to turn sour after starring in innocent hits like The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday? Maybe it was daddy Michael's stint in the Big House for four years (securities fraud) during her teenage years. (He was jailed again in 2005 for nearly two years for aggravated unlicensed driving and attempted assault.)
The younger Lohan was involved in a string of car accidents from 2004-2006. Michael and wife Dina officially divorced in August 2007, a few months after Lindsay was arrested for driving under the influence and subsequently she was admitted to a rehab center.
Christian Brando/Marlon Brando
Christian, oldest son of the late and legendary actor Marlon Brando, was born in 1958 after Marlon had a brief affair with actress Anna Kashfi. Marlon and Kashfi were quickly married, but divorced a year later after Kashfi reportedly turned to drugs and drink. Not getting off to a good start here, are we?
Christian had little contact with his father while growing up and was raised mostly by nannies and servants. He was once quoted saying, "The family kept changing shape. I'd sit down at the breakfast table and say, 'Who are you?'" Christian pled guilty to manslaughter in 1995 for shooting his sister's boyfriend, and in 2005 was placed on probation for abusing his former wife, Deborah Presley.
Angelina Jolie/Jon Voight
Sometimes the kids turn out alright, as in the case of Angelina Jolie. Though estranged from her father, Jon Voight, Jolie seems to have left her angst-ridden teenage and early 20s years (as well as former husbands Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton) behind in exchange for Brad Pitt and humanitarian work.
Voight insists he has tried to make nice with his children and claims his public image as an absent and mentally abusive father figure (he and wife Marcheline Bertrand separated in 1976) is unfair. But saying in the media that his daughter has "serious emotional problems" probably isn't going to get him time with his grandchildren any time soon.
Sean Stewart/Rod Stewart
"I love my dad, but a lot of celebrity children grow up f***ed up because our parents are out of town a lot and it makes us feel unwanted," Sean Stewart, 26, son of famous crooner Rod Stewart was recently quoted as saying. That about sums this whole thing up, doesn't it? "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" Rod has six children with four different mothers. Imagine what the holidays at the Stewart home must be like?
The junior Stewart has had his trouble with the law lately, arrested last summer for allegedly beating a married couple with a brick in the Hollywood Hills.
Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger
We'd prefer to remember Alec Baldwin as the guy who heroically saved and salvaged the Red October in The Hunt for Red October. And Kim Basinger as the Oscar-winning co-star of L.A. Confidential. But after leaving a wacky and obscenity-laden voicemail for his preteen daughter Ireland (which was suspiciously leaked to the press—some say by Basinger), Alec's (and Kim's) star dropped a notch.
The two actors have been involved in a heated and very public custody battle for years over their only daughter. In said voicemail Alec calls his daughter a "little pig," among other niceties. He has since apologized.
This story starts in the womb, when the former Hole singer and widow of Kurt Cobain allegedly took heroin for a month while pregnant. Like her famous grunge parents, Francis Bean Cobain, now 15, has seen her share of tragedy over the years.
Besides growing up without a father, Francis has witnessed her mom get off drugs and back on and off of them again, seen her mom sentenced to rehab, seen her overdose, seen her get accosted at concerts, and … shall we go on? Love lost custody of Francis in 2003 following an overdose, but regained custody in 2005. Let's hope this story has a happy ending.
If you haven't seen the video of the former Knight Rider star reclining on a Las Vegas floor, shirtless, slurring, and eating a Wendy's hamburger, head on over to YouTube. That is, unless you don't want to see a barely conscious father unable to acknowledge his teenage daughter (who was filming him) while she pleads with him to stop drinking.
Hasselhoff and ex-wife Pamela Bach were divorced in 2006. Bach accused Hasselhoff of violent behavior towards her. Hasselhoff publicly apologized for the video incident, stating plainly, "I am a recovering alcoholic." He and Pamela were awarded joint custody of their two daughters.
All mommies and daddies just want what's best for their kids, right? Like penthouses in every metropolitan city, fancy cars, chauffeurs … Nothing's too good for our little babies. Paris Hilton, heiress to the Hilton hotel chain "fortune," can do anything or be anywhere she wants at any time, but it was three weeks in the Los Angeles County jail in June 2007 (for driving with a suspended license stemming from a previous DUI charge) that may prove to be more educational for the young pop star than 25-plus years of very, very high-end globetrotting.
Nothing says "getting down to earth" like staring at the walls of a 12-by-8 foot cell without a cell phone.